The "Ikky" Awards

The big night had arrived. John Mark couldn’t believe he had been invited to the Third Annual Apostolic Awards for Excellence in Ministry. Moreover, he was a nominee. This year’s ceremony promised to be a spectacular, star-studded affair.



Demas had secured the beautiful Temple of Diana in downtown Ephesus, where the best and the brightest in Christendom had gathered. The Rock Himself was seated at the table next to John Mark. You couldn’t help but cower before Peter’s commanding presence, and Peter's wife, regal in an age-appropriate chiffon number, looked every bit the helpmate. Though some thought her a tad uppity.



Peter was a 2 to 1 favorite to win an unprecedented third straight Icthus or “Ikky” award for "Best Performance By An Apostle". However, the Asia Minor crowd could swing the vote towards Paul. Paul worked hard enough, but his abrasive personality had rubbed more than a few voters the wrong way. Truth be told, some thought him too short and sour-breathed for leading man stature. And the toupee he wore at last year’s ceremony was an unqualified embarrassment. Still, half the folks present owed their nomination to Paul. John Mark sure did.



As the ever-eloquent Apollos delivered his monologue, John Mark couldn’t help but recall “the incident”. It had almost ruined his career. He never imagined he would be back among the “Big Boys.” But he had shown them all. He had proven himself “useful” to Paul and now stood nominated for "Best Performance In A Supporting Role" by an apostolic helper.

To be honest, Apollos was off his game. The jokes at Euodia and Syntyche’s expense seemed tacky, but maybe John Mark was just ancy. It’s not everyday you’re singled out by your peers. It’s not everyday you're up for an "Ikky". This could be his moment --- his one moment to shine.




Time for the first award of the evening. John Mark shot up a quick prayer. Let me win --- surely I deserve it more than the rest --- please God!  Priscilla, looking cheap in pagan purple and Aquila, looking passive as usual, fumbled about trying to be funny by acting as if they were "put-out" because they weren't nominated --- which was another way of promoting their humility.  Just get on with it. John Mark thought his heart might explode in his chest.

Priscilla in Purple --- Hot or Not?

"The nominees for 'Best Performance In A Supporting Role' by an apostolic helper are:  Demas --- for his brilliant effort in organizing last year’s Ichthus ceremony; Tychicus --- for his tireless work right here in Ephesus (great --- John Mark thought to himself --- a hometown favorite); Trophimus --- who unfortunately can’t be with us tonight because of a lingering illness (there goes the sympathy vote); Epaphras --- who also can’t be here tonight because of imprisonment  (this crowd never could resist a martyr); and last but not least --- the comeback kid, John Mark."



And the winner is --- Aquila’s hands were shaking so badly he could hardly tear open the envelope.   Someone had hit the unfermented wine a little too hard. Hurry it up, we’re dying down here. And the winner is --- John Mark.

Yes. Yes. Yes! Peter gave him a high five. John Mark had won, and he knew in the depths of his heart that he deserved it. He had been practicing his acceptance speech for months. He would be gracious and grateful and self-deprecating. Her would thank his Mom. He would thank his cousin Barnabus for believing in him. He would thank his mentor Peter. He would thank his agent. And he would most sincerely thank Paul. All was forgiven if not forgotten.


His winning was a public relations coup all around. And of course, John Mark would thank God for giving him the talent and the tenacity and the humility to achieve his success in ministry at such an early age. More importantly, he could now lose the John (too many of those around) and simply go by Mark, the "Ikky" award-winning Mark. His speaking engagements would multiply, and his appearance fee would no doubt double. Perhaps, he’d even find backing to finally write his own gospel.



The Third Annual Apostolic Awards for Excellence in Ministry brought to you by "Lions, Tigers, and Bears Oh My!" Insurance Agency. "Protection against persecution."  
Can you imagine?  I hope not.  Then again, they canceled the Golden Globes and might even cancel the Academy Awards, so maybe we ought to join together with other churches in our community and hold our own version of the "Ikky" awards.  I’ve been practicing my acceptance speech for years.