I resigned from a pastoral position over two years ago (has it been that long?). During my career as a minister, folks would often praise my preaching but denigrate my pastoral authority. I think this happened (and I allowed it to happen) because I was scared to be me. I couldn't bear not to be liked because I didn't really like myself. An intense dose of CPE has been good medicine/therapy. God has grown larger. Fears have shrunk. I have rediscovered myself (and God) through chaplaincy work. I think I'm a far better man dealing with some sick, suffering, or dying someone in the quiet of their hospital room than I ever was pontificating behind the pulpit. Still, I wanted to record a portion of that pontificating.
The following are rewritten, reworked messages that spoke to my heart (back then) and right now. It's a little late in the day to be reinventing myself, but the only constant in life is change. The following snippets from sermons, quotes, and poems (most written by me) reflect an ongoing journey to integrate life and theology --- and speak with an authentic voice.
This blog is a creative journal of sorts, a scrapbook of my past, as well as a sampling of my writing/thought. I keep the blog address on my resume because I need to work and still (despite a season of disenchantment) wish to serve God by serving people. While I personally worship the glory of God shining brightly in the face of Jesus the Christ, the Kingdom values Christ espoused have led me to embrace a far more inclusive (female, male, gay, straight, Jew, Gentile --- you get the point) ecumenical faith construct.
Some days I see God blasting through almost visible holes in the universe. Other days my faith in any God of any sort is practically non-existent ---and yet by the grace of that Someone who holds me still --- I believe enough to believe that all my searching will ultimately lead me home.
A Homecoming
are free. In the trust
of old love, cultivation shows
a dark graceful wilderness
at its heart. Wild
is that wilderness, we roam
the distances of our faith,
safe beyond the bounds
of what we know. O love,
open. Show me
---Wendell Berry
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